Transformations

Back in High School, I was very active in Soccer and Dance; I was never "thin" by peers' standards, but I was definitely fit. Once I went to college, almost all activity stopped, and when you have access to all you can eat buffets in the cafeteria, it's a recipe for disaster. I surpassed the "Freshman 15", and gained close to 60 lbs over the course of my undergrad years. I remember feeling so uncomfortable, but my mind still believed I was in my high school days. Over the past 10 years, I didn't recognize myself in the mirror, and my mind still believed that I would see my high school body...call it denial/delusion/etc., but it has not served me well in confronting the major issues I had going on with my health and lifestyle.

As I look in the mirror now, I sometimes find myself in shock, and still don't recognize myself. There has been more than one occasion when I've said outloud "This is crazy". Though I will never be back to my youthful physique, I am beginning to look more and more like that "old Mindy"; the one that was always there in my head. I have been taking alot of "selfies" lately and stare at them in disbelief.

Today I measured myself, and since the end of this June (wish I would have taken measurements last Summer!), I have lost 1/2 inch on my bust, 2 inches on my waist, 3.5 inches on my hips, 1 inch on my upper arm(s), and 1.5 inches on my thigh(s)...again, I was in disbelief! I feel that I am finally getting to a point where I feel confident that these will be permanent changes. I fit into size 14 jeans, and I was wearing size 20W last Summer.  I feel like dropping to my knees, because it just feels so crazy...so surreal. I keep thinking I'll wake up from this dream tomorrow and be back to my unhealthy self. Back in the Fall of 2010, I was at my lowest since I was married, at 225. When I got married, I was down to 210. Today I was at 226. Folks, if I surpass 210, that will be lowest I have been in 12 years!!! 40 lbs down, and hopefully 60 more to go.

As my body transforms, I am working on transforming my mind. I have felt so weak, so sad, so uncomfortable wearing tight clothing due to my self-consciousness, and so unworthy of a man's love, for so very long. Just like the weight, these things won't be shed overnight. They will take time, counseling (yes, even mental health therapists go see therapists), and lots of prayer to heal, but I feel confident I will get there and am headed in the right direction.